Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sing Along
Ava is full of joy. She just loves to sing her little heart out. Luckily I've caught her on tape a few times.
Yoga Time
It's about that time. At around 4 weeks after the birth of Aidan I just started to do some Yoga. Ava loves to do it with me - she gets so excited to "stretch" and has even already claimed my yoga mat. I've captured some of her fancy moves...
Some Words From Daddy
I never would have imagined that one day I would get to meet my son, hold him and kiss him on the forehead - then give him away a few hours later...and only have those few hours of memory to hold on to. It is also hard to imagine there is a reason for this heartbreak.This is where our Faith comes into play. Faith is believing in the invisible, the unimaginable, incomprehensible. Faith is believing that God has a hand in the events of your life. That he walks with you through unbearable moments, then opens your eyes and heart to new feelings, to new directions, to new people, to new places. He gives perspective when perspective is lost. He sends you an over flowing room of love, when one love is taken from you.
Last week our little girl Ava had a great vocabulary of words. We were impressed and blown away as any parent would be. Since the death of Aidan; however, Ava speaks in sentences that have emotion and humor. There seems to be no limit to our communication. Not to mention a new and full assortment of facial expressions that has Jill and I rolling with laughter. This, we believe, is one of those little gifts from God. A relief from the pain. PRoof that He walks with us in times of sorrow. God and Ava have been our rock. The solid ground to stand on when everything else has turned to quicksand. One day I'll sit Ava down and tell her that the week Aidan went to Heaven God made her extra smart, extra cute and extra funny so that Mommy and Daddy didn't feel so sad.
When Jill and I first found out that she was pregnant, it was my turn to decide whether or not to find out the sex of the baby. To Jill's frustration, I decided to make this baby a surprise. We talked about names from time to time- never really pinning one down for a boy or girl. During delivery last week we had a list of names that we liked. A few moments after delivery, when we met our little boy for the first time, Jill and I embraced and I whispered in her ear "Aidan" and she whispered back "Jeffrey". The name Aidan Jeffrey seamed to effortlessly flow from our lips as if we knew him already. He was so still, so silent, so peaceful and so perfect. He immediately warmed our hearts forever.
A few days later, my sister-in-law, Amy looked up the meaning of his name and shared it with us. The meaning of Aidan is - "warmth of the household." The meaning of Jeffrey is "divinely peaceful." No two names in the world could better capture his essence, his beauty, and what he means to Jill, Ava and I.
Aidan will always hold a special place in my heart and I wish that I had the opportunity to teach him all the things a father teaches a son. But I do find comfort in the fact that he, instead, has taught me, his father, some things. He has taught me to find joy in the little things, to laugh often, to embrace friends and family, to live in the moment and to find hope in the future.
This is Aidan's life that we celebrate.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Dear Baby Aidan,
From the moment you came into my life I've been dreaming of our times together, of our growing family and our new little one to love.As your mommy there is just so much to say. I won't presume that I can capture a lifetime of dreams that I had hoped for you in one letter. It's the simple joys that I'll miss the most. All of those kisses we won't get to share, all of those embraces that I just can't give you - the joy of watching you grow along side of your big sister Ava. It's hard to imagine a lifetime without you. I miss you already. I need you to know just how much I love you.
No one else will understand our bond. Those very real moments when you thrived inside of me. Those moments of silent smiles we shared when you would find the very spot of my hand on the other side of my belly and kick it - as to say "I'll see you soon, mommy". And that expansive pride I felt when Ava would kiss you and talk to you.
I never imagined that I would have to say goodbye before I even got to say hello. Thank you for letting me be the home of your soul for almost nine months.
I find comfort knowing you are in the presence of your creator.
Held snug and surrounded by his light. Divinely at peace. Know my heart sings for you - just like all of those lullabies you heard Ava and I sing to you every night.
You are the warmth of my heart, Aidan and forever will be. You're my "I love you".
Love ,
mommy
