Christmas Wishes

(Aidan's Bear)                                                        (Ava's Horse)

Wishing my beautiful baby boy Aidan was with us this Christmas.  

Christmas Pictures

For every one good one...

There are several silly ones :) 

Princess

Ava made my day today...

"Mommy, I like this. I like your shirt. Pretty. Like a princess."

Need I say more?

See ya later

A  few days ago Ava grabbed my keys and my cell phone and headed to our front door. With her little head tilted to the side she proclaimed...

"I'm leaving. See ya later. I'll meet you at the bottom (of the hill) at the library. Bye mommy." 

Isn't it a little too early for this?! I mean- I think I have 15 more years until she is 17 doing this for real. And by that time, I'm sure she won't be headed to the library ;)

My Friend, Pancake

Ava was snacking on a leftover pancake in the living room when I hear her whispering...

"Pancake, see the lights? Pretty?" 

When I walked in she was holding up her fabric Christmas tree (with new blinking lights) to the pancake. 

Imagination

I love watching Ava play by herself these days. She has such a wonderful imagination. I bought her a playmat from Ikea . It is just perfect for her little people (fisher price vintage, of course). She seems to get lost in it and soon forgets it's for "little people" and pretends she herself is eating hotodogs from the hotdog stand, watching a soccer game at the stadium, laying on the beach...and here she is jumping in the ocean for a swim. 

Instead of driving the little people around on the train she decided to drive herself. 

She also thought it was a good idea to give the train a "nap" and she proceeded to lay it on it's side and asked me to get the train a binkie and a blanket - so it could snuggle. 

How cute is that?! I just can't wait to see where her imagination takes her tomorrow...

Winter Wonderland

Our first snow of the season turned our backyard into a winter wonderland.  The snow was about 5 inches deep which is quite majestic, considering my parents, who live only 10 minutes away, did not even have their grass covered. I can't think of a better way to get into the holiday spirit. 

Ava eagerly waiting to play in the snow.

All bundled up.

Aidan's tree blanketed in snow.

Sing Along

Ava is full of joy. She just loves to sing her little heart out. Luckily I've caught her on tape a few times.

Yoga Time

It's about that time. At around 4 weeks after the birth of Aidan I just started to do some Yoga. Ava loves to do it with me - she gets so excited to "stretch" and has even already claimed my yoga mat.  I've captured some of her fancy moves... 

Check out more of Ava's yoga moves here on flickr.

Some Words From Daddy

I never would have imagined that one day I would get to meet my son, hold him and kiss him on the forehead - then give him away a few hours later...and only have those few hours of memory to hold on to. It is also hard to imagine there is a reason for this heartbreak.

This is where our Faith comes into play. Faith is believing in the invisible, the unimaginable, incomprehensible. Faith is believing that God has a hand in the events of your life. That he walks with you through unbearable moments, then opens your eyes and heart to new feelings, to new directions, to new people, to new places. He gives perspective when perspective is lost. He sends you an over flowing room of love, when one love is taken from you. 

Last week our little girl Ava had a great vocabulary of words. We were impressed and blown away as any parent would be. Since the death of Aidan; however, Ava speaks in sentences that have emotion and humor. There seems to be no limit to our communication. Not to mention a new and full assortment of facial expressions that has Jill and I rolling with laughter. This, we believe, is one of those little gifts from God. A relief from the pain. PRoof that He walks with us in times of sorrow. God and Ava have been our rock. The solid ground to stand on when everything  else has turned to quicksand. One day I'll sit Ava down and tell her that the week Aidan went to Heaven God made her extra smart, extra cute and extra funny so that Mommy and Daddy didn't feel so sad. 

When Jill and I first found out that she was pregnant, it was my turn to decide whether or not to find out the sex of the baby. To Jill's frustration, I decided to make this baby a surprise. We talked about names from time to time- never really pinning one down for a boy or girl. During delivery last week we had a list of names that we liked. A few moments after delivery, when we met our little boy for the first time, Jill and I embraced and I whispered in her ear "Aidan" and she whispered back "Jeffrey". The name Aidan Jeffrey seamed to effortlessly flow from our lips as if we knew him already. He was so still, so silent, so peaceful and so perfect. He immediately warmed our hearts forever. 

A few days later, my sister-in-law, Amy looked up the meaning of his name and shared it with us. The meaning of Aidan is - "warmth of the household." The meaning of Jeffrey is "divinely peaceful." No two names in the world could better capture his essence, his beauty, and what he means to Jill, Ava and I.

Aidan will always hold a special place in my heart and I wish that I had the opportunity to teach him all the things a father teaches a son. But I do find comfort in the fact that he, instead, has taught me, his father, some things. He has taught me to find joy in the little things, to laugh often, to embrace friends and family, to live in the moment and to find hope in the future. 

This is Aidan's life that we celebrate. 

Dear Baby Aidan,

From the moment you came into my life I've been dreaming of our times together, of our growing family and our new little one to love.

As your mommy there is just so much to say. I won't presume that I can capture a lifetime of dreams that I had hoped for you in one letter. It's the simple joys that I'll miss the most. All of those kisses we won't get to share, all of those embraces that I just can't give you - the joy of watching you grow along side of your big sister Ava. It's hard to imagine a lifetime without you. I miss you already. I need you to know just how much I love you.

No one else will understand our bond. Those very real moments when you thrived inside of me. Those moments of silent smiles we shared when you would find the very spot of my hand on the other side of my belly and kick it - as to say "I'll see you soon, mommy". And that expansive pride I felt when Ava would kiss you and talk to you.

I never imagined that I would have to say goodbye before I even got to say hello. Thank you for letting me be the home of your soul for almost nine months.

I find comfort knowing you are in the presence of your creator. 

Held snug and surrounded by his light. Divinely at peace. Know my heart sings for you - just like all of those lullabies you heard Ava and I sing to you every night.

You are the warmth of my heart, Aidan and forever will be. You're my "I love you".

Love ,

mommy

a warm welcome

Welcome to our little life...a peek into what makes my heart beat.